I don’t like Jamie Oliver, because every time he appears on the TV I end up having an argument with Mrs B. To summarise this post: Bog off, you Health Fascist. Feel free to stop reading now, as the rest is just a variation on this core theme.

(Note – my sister-in-law helps re-home Battery Hens through the Battery Hen Welfare Trust, so I will concede that Jamie’s support for this charity is much appreciated.)

I’m currently sitting here getting grumpy while Mrs B. watches “Eat to Save you Life“. The format is identical to every other health show on the box – lots of gimmicks, a few scans and tests, a rent-a-doc telling people they are obese and a nutritionist talking about good and bad fats. Plus some more screen time for sinister be-hatted anatomist Dr Gunther von Hagens.

The one particular segment that irritated me was the point at which a huge tray of mock fæces was wheeled onto the screen to represent the output of a typical Ugandan, along with a few comments from Jamie and Rent-A-Doc about the super Ugandan diet, rich in nuts and berries.

Well, let’s just have a quick look at the CIA World Factbook on Uganda:

Here are the statistics for Uganda:

• Infant Mortality Rate: 67.22 deaths per thousand live births
• Death Rate: 12.64 per thousand
• Life Expectancy at birth: 51.75 years

Let’s compare that to the United Kingdom:

• Infant Mortality Rate: 5.01 deaths per thousand live births
• Death Rate: 10.09 per thousand
• Life Expectancy at birth: 78.7 years

Well pass the nuts and berries, Jamie. I can really see the benefits of the Ugandan diet. I’d probably only waste those extra 27 years of life enjoying myself.

Rather than waste time listening to Jamie, the core message is available in succint form via You-Tube. Fast-forward to 03:15 in this clip from the Dudley Moore film Crazy People.